I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
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