i wish peter jackson would direct porn
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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