Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
