At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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