i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
