There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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