I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
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