She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
