He asked to "fluff my boner.."
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize