I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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