Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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