Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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