i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
