twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Drunk is not a location!
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
