I can't watch pbs sober anymore
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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