I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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