come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
