i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize