just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Randomize
