Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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