the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
