Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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