he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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