I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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