No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
