dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
