I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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