I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
