'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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