how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
