She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
