they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
