Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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