I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
