Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
