the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
