It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
