I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
