I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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