I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Never let your siblings swipe right.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize