you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
