I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
