I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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