you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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