I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
