that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
