Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
