What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
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