need another drink. this is the easiest way
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
