I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
