I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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