So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
