And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
