for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
