I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I have tasted many bathrooms
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
