he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
