bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
