wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Well I just put wine in my tea
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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