I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
