so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize