I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
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