I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
