HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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