i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Pants are for mortals
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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