You smell like a Billy Joel song
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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