you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Randomize
