i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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