rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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