I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
