Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize