When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
