Do vagina's smell?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
